Here is a tweet template (keep pinned at top).

Chopped and unctuous

Only putting in half of the raman powder so it's healthy

They should add damage dice to chess. Each side should be able to make up to three movement or attack moves per turn. You should be able to group up to 10 pieces together as a formation. Pawn groups could equip bows. The play area should be six chessboards sq. The King should have a mounted retinue.

Going back in time and I'm the one who is impressed by their technology. They have me daubing a wattle wall like Tom Sawyer.

America is on the brink. Canada is on the rink. #AlwaysFresh #TimHortin

I hear her voice, The good mornings posted in gc, The ratio reminds me of a hot take to say, And scrollin' down my feed I get the feelin', That I should have tweeted yesterday, Yesterday

My cavalry cannot charge until I find my micro USB cable

Stay your enchanted +1 dagger, homie. I've got scissors in the kitchen drawer.

(admiring my new claymore) It's so over for my foes..

(Swordsmith, typing on cash register) Would you like a rewards account?

(Me) Not today

(Smith) Can I set you up with our extended warranty?

(Me) I don't think I'll need it, it's a pretty good sword

(Smith, slightly annoyed) It's a nice sword

It's snowing ☃️❄️ #snowing

(Seeing your tentative grasp on reality) Use the included hand-holds, bromigo. (Punching in the cardboard hand-holds for you), Lift with your bee's knees..

Wave attacking my weakest soldiers against my hardest battles

I'm so glad Millennial Optimism isn't cheugy anymore

I just voted for Mamdani in the American New York National Mayoral election. I hope my fellow Americans will do the same.

Congrats on the harvest stream @crannyboy.bsky.social !! And congrats to the winner! 🏆🎃🕯

Cranny stream starting shortly! 🎃🍂👻🕯️ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rg7iPW1NBVg

Blue Jays merch, depop, never won

America ruining everything must be a day ending in y

The home is coming from inside the house..

The candy for breakfast to tummy grumbling pipeline

I am in full support of this, merging reddit and twitter would create the best website

This is not sarcasm, if anyone was wondering (I know everyone is blackpilled about computers and the internet now). I genuinely loved reddit and twitter in the 2010s, they were perfect websites in their own rights, and I've always imagined someone merging the best aspects of both.
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I'm very pro dislike button, was devastated when they removed it from YouTube, it's made looking for quality content a pain in the ass now. I use a firefox extension that approximates YouTube dislikes, but the damage has been done to the site.
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Also, on reddit, getting downvoted rarely felt "personal". There were pretty strick rules regarding brigading (having one community mass-downvote another) And all in all, the etiquette on reddit leaned towards "relevance", and was seen as a duty for users to "sort" posts and comments for everyone

My Cranny shrine!! @crannyboy.bsky.social
🍬🍫🍂🕯🎃🍎🕯🍂🍫🍬 Happy Halloween, Cranny Boy ❤️

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Does it look like there is a ghostly apparition of a jack o' lantern on this applantern? Or am I getting too jumpy on halloween night?? (I drew where I see it.. 😱🫣)

Happy Halloween everyone ! 🎃🦇🕯️🍂🍬🍫

saw a kid in an inflatable T-Rex dinosaur costume and another kid dressed as a little knight with a sword was trick or treating the other way and ran up to him and started sword fighting him like he was a dragon ,was soo cute 😭

The obstacles will be a plethora of insurgent Fascist Republicans, all of whom the Democrat media and voter base will enthusiastically put their weight and support behind, as a desperate attempt to restore an air of normalcy and decorum to the White House, at the expense of Left populist candidates.

LA Dodgers more like LA Todgers 🖕 #GoodSportsmanship #LetsHaveFunOutThere #9:00pmCoffee #letsStayAwakeUntil3:00amAgain

Will this effect my $50 cranny pin if it's already being shipped

It was a yearly tradition for me to order pens and stationary stuff from Jetpens every christmas, but shipping and the exchange rate tripled the price now. I cannot buy anything if it comes from America.

(Merry and Pippin, eating chinese takeout) The sweet and sour pork is particularly good

(Gimli, looking longingly) Sweet and sour pork..

Platner should just say he got his tattoo to support Azov Brigade, the liberals would have no choice but to support him

I wasn't sure what to make of the Platner revelation, but after seeing the photo of his tattoo I just can't believe he thought he could get away with this..

Canada will continue our ritualistic humiliation of America until you give us what we want: Minnesota, Michigan, and Vermont.

As an adult who has outgrown the childish, pie-in-the-sky optimism of those who want the world to be a better place, can I offer you my pragmatic alternative : A dystopian hell for everyone where me and my peers coincidently and conveniently are heroic figures whom the masses clamber to appease.

I can't believe we're already two years into the Trump presidency, and three years into covid

Trump has officially announced a massive ground invasion into Canada, insisting on liberating Canadians from the iron grasp of King Charles III. A move that has skyrocketed his approval rating, and has united the American population behind him.

I'm making a personal tweet archive with HTML. Welcome to my first website!

The standards I hold my mutuals to

breaking the US product boycott once a year to order something nice from my friends. What can I say, I'm a rogue!

Just ordered my Cranny pin! https://moonplanet.bigcartel.com/product/crannyworld-pin-series-1-scarecran-enamel-pin

In the Final Fantasy Tactics pub, looking to recruit 1 bloke and 1 geezer to my team.

Xeroxing an Elder Scroll

I cannot stress enough that it is the complete opposite of this bullshit. The people who actually want to feel part of a club are people like this mf, whos politics are expressed through performative, sobered seriousness, singularly focused into internet snark drama and childish social posturing.

The smartest, kindest, good spirited leftists I know online are ones that don't have an emoji RPG bio, and don't goad their followers with snark of the day internet drama and purity testing content creators. They're posting dumb jokes, nice things, making people laugh, and punching up, not sideways.

Sometimes if it's raining, I remind myself that the clear blue sky is just bit above these clouds. And at night, that someone else is having a sunshine day just around the corner of the earth.

I got like 500 followers from reposting a Portland Frog video. He is a river to his people.

"The psychic toll of social media has given me brain poisoning" bro I would not follow you into combat I will say that much

If any of you mutinous dogs were looking for a bluesky alternative, may I recommend "the brig". Now get back to posting, you bilge rats, or there'll be the devil to pay.

The best part of watching Lord of the Rings is live-retweeting all the jokes your friends have made about it in real time as those scenes come up

All the mutuals are doing squats this evening. Probably preparing for The War. I'll do some, too.

My view is that the leftist political communities on Reddit and Twitter were more productive and did not tear themselves apart, because those platforms allowed right wing communities there. It forced leftists to find common ground, instead of tearing themselves apart in accusations and purity tests.
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Having a clear common enemy reduces dependency on authority figures, as anyone can point to where the enemy is. When there is no real enemy like on Bluesky, people cling to authority figures in the community, usually the ones dedicating more energy to fearmongering and "rooting out" subversive users
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This has been exacerbated by a group of power users who have been attempting to throw a coup against the devs since the closed beta, and work tirelessly to assert themselves as heroic community mods protecting the vulnerable from a torrent of hate that is sure to come if the devs don't concede power
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They are more than happy to burn Bluesky to the ground in an attempt to take it over, because if they fail they can simply move on to the next one, where their social power will probably survive, if enough users follow them. I will be staying here thanks, and I hope my leftist mutuals do the same.
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For every snark drama "leftist" we lose to tumblr, we'll convert 10 anti-trump facebook moms from the suburbs into Antifa berserkers

I miss ~2010 when the internet was just people who wanted to be here. I see so many people who act like their computer/phone is trying to kill them, or "the algorithm" is trying to destroy their brain. Do something else! Where did this victim complex come from! I love being here that's why I'm here!

I'll try to bring you guys some sandwiches

I feel like in the 2016 era of politics I got into there was a strong focus on being smart as a leftists, to the degree it almost became a joke to recommend books or theory. And the Bernie campaign focused it into real, actionable politics. A vocabulary for articulating politics online emerged.
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In the aftermath of the Bernie campaigns, the only thing that remains on the internet is a Cargo Cult of symbols and vocabulary that children, too young to understand their origin, but realizing that political language "hits" harder, use it to bully each other about media/product consumption choices
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We used to do this too, as children, but before the 2010s you just called shit you didn't like stupid, or dumb, or lame, or, gay, or whatever. It stung, but it wasn't as accusitory as "reactionary" or "problematic" or that "your labubu is giving colonialism". Children live in fear of being "canceled".
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I just wish Left-wing language wasn't defanged. The problem now isn't communicating left-wing perspectives to young people as though they've never heard those concepts before, it's that they think you're about to scold them for the video games and anime they like because you said the words "working class solidarity" to them.

Been on a win streak recently, everything going good and just good vibes. Hope you guys are doing good, too ❤️

Had a great day, and now its Lord of the Rings and pizza night #PositiveSquad #StayBlessedNeverStressed

It's CushVlog and video games Saturday☕ #CushVlogAndVideoGamesSaturday

I have a three-strike rule for anyone wanting a second chance

it's happening.

Trump, who apparently loves our beautiful boaters, has bombed a Venezuelan civilian boat, joked that people should be afraid to go fishing, and has intercepted most of the Freedom Flotilla.

At what point will we acknowledge the hypocrisy of this presidency?

bro can you move your shuttlecraft away from my starship you're clipping into my shield barrier I've got a hundred warning lights screaming at me

Does anyone have any manufactured cultural outrage I can draw attention to and participate in blowing out of proportion therefore cementing and reinforcing its legitimacy in discourse, my followers have been begging me for angry quote tweets

The economy is in brambles

New advancements in technology don't always benefit society. For instance, ever since the proliferation of indoor plumbing I haven't had a pot to piss in.

I don't know what the algorithm is that everyone talks about, I just use my normal YouTube subscriptions, Reddit, Bluesky timeline, soundcloud feed. I want to see things from the people I like, and get recommendations for new things from them via likes/reposts. I don't know how else it would work.
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I use ad block and never see ads anywhere. I have a firefox extension to hide my youtube "homepage" so it's just blank. I guess I click on youtube sidebar videos once in a while. People out here raw-dogging the internet what the fuck are you doing bro your psyche is precious, gotta protect your dome

If we all simultaneously listen to soundcloud rap, hyperpop, digicore, and unlocked Chapo Trap House episodes we could summon the Before Times and fix this whole damn mess we're in.

(Me, inspecting my peasant farmer's hovels) A hay fork, how delightful! And this one over here. A hay "spoon", I suppose?

(Tenant farmer, wiping brow) No m'lord, that is a shovel.

(Me, hands clasped behind back) Mmmh, shovel. Sho-VEL. Must be French.. Aught to be spoon.

(Farmer) It aught, m'lord.

Two massive pieces of packaging styrofoam that will not fit in the bin no matter which way you rotate them #garbageclassics

Teletubbies must have had a profound effect on my as a child. To this day my dream is to eat a mono diet of a custard-like nutrient paste, watch tv, and roll around with the bunny rabbits in an endless expanse of green grass.

All of the gold leaf Trump added to the Oval Office is nice, but he needs to step it up and stop playing. Buss down the Abraham Lincoln statue, full VVS diamonds.
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Mr President Trump I will vote for you a third time if you do this please sir

No rapture. A complete wash out.

Actual footage of an Antifa terror cell hiding out in Canada, out of reach of God's law, justice, and Mr. Trump's sword of righteousness, for now..

dj smokey + Shadow Wizard Money Gang - BURBERRY BATHSALTS RAMPAGE (official music video)

tomorrow, the internet will be filled completely with ticktoc videos of people filming clothes laid about on the ground and pretending they were raptured. The total electricity usage will cause an extended brown-out across Texas and Arkansas.

You will never win conservatives over to your side and you cannot live along side them. American conservatism is fundamentally an apocalyptic Calvinism. It is the religious justification for cruelty and suffering produced under Capitalism.
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Equality, inclusion, raising standards of living, taking care of others, taking agency in making the world a better place are antithetical to Calvinist Christianity. Predestination demands the saved be separated from the damned. Capitalism is the ritual that does that sorting.
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The reason the Right is adamant that they are in a "spiritual war" is because to them, it is one. Being on the Left, wanting to make the world a better place, is literal blasphemy. God made the world a form of purgatory, it is supposed to be a hellscape, a test of suffering for his chosen people.
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If you are someone who doesn't believe this, if instead, you believe we can take control of our lives, and make our world better for all people, then from the perspective of most American Christians you allied with Satan. To them, DEI Wokeness is literally delaying the second coming of Christ.
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It's the reason we all have to die in car accidents, that food is destroyed instead of fed to the needy, fentynal deaths, minorities are punished, that your office job is a nonsensically-constructed torture, that no amount of economic growth will make your life less toilsome. Suffering is the point.
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And as Left-Liberal wokeness, and consumer market competition make our lives better and more comfortable, it drives conservatives crazy. It denies them their penance of suffering. They blame any form of progress on Leftwing meddling. You will never convince these people to help build a better world.

watching Wall-e, I love Wall-e

Had a nice morning out fishing

My only solace right now is that MAGA playing the fascism card five-seconds into the presidency is a good sign they have nothing else in their hand. This is a late game play they're staking everything on and the people are not taking the bait. Killing Charlie Kirk wasn't enough. Fight through it.
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Now is the time to push socialism on the masses. Mamdani will win in NY and show everyone how easy it is. The Liberals are fucked and have no more cards. Trump is making a boogieman out of Antifa and leftwing organizing, which we can use to gain sympathy from the normie Lib voters. Welcome them in.

Some life advice for these trying times: Do the easy things first. Showing up every day is more important than the results. Drink a glass of water each morning. Floss every night. The m81 US Woodland camouflage pattern is widely available, affordable, and battle-tested in many terrains and conflicts

The 2028 United States Presidential Election will be between Tucker Carlson and Jon Stewart. If you can think of a more realistic set of candidates, let me know.

If we've learned anything from the charlie kirk shooter and Luigi, it's that apolitical centrist normie fence-sitters are the greatest threat to America and we have to stop letting them get away with this. If you see someone doing crosswords in a paper instead of reading the op-eds, call the cops.

I can't use dark mode on bluesky, it reminds me of twitter. Let's get a new colour. Let's do a dark burgundy felt, with a mahogany wood trim. There could be a candlelight effect that flickers and is brighter in the middle of the screen. You could click on a wee dagger or guild crest for group chats.

What we need, now more than ever, are low-information voters who get their understanding of the world from co-workers small talk, Blockbuster Video's discounted action movies, and the cp24 news channel playing in the dentist office waiting room
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Kids on social media being exposed to the horrors perpetrated by the US military abroad. This is not healthy. It was much better in the 2000s when every video game and movie and evening news program was about how awesome killing the sand people was. What changed? Why are kids such wet blankets now??

Trump loyalists in rural ontario are flying American flags on their pickup trucks. President Xi Jinping our frightened townsfolks yern for liberation please send mercenaries to bolster our resistance forces 🙏😭

imo 2 things: Young people have grown up in an online environment where both far-right and far-left internet culture has become a meaningless social language used only for bullying/negativity, and 2nd, online drama is the #1 source of entertainment for young ppl, more than all entertainment combined

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People see the way young people talk as evidence that they are "political", because they use 2010s political language and memes and cancel culture. You are wrong. It's like thinking a CoD kid in 2007 was political about the Iraq war. No. They would have a nearly incoherent view of that conflict.
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The aesthetics of online politics has just become the language young people adopted, as using that "tone of voice" or "vocabulary" gets your point across more loudly, and the bullying stings more, even when you're just talking shit about kpop, or a video game character. This confuses older ppl a lot
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It's like saying that the Mujahideen fighters are soldiers of the Soviet Union because they use AKMs and RPG-7s. No, the weapons they use are where the similarities end. Same with most young people. They just shoot the verbal weapons we left laying around after Bernie lost, and they'll shoot anyone.
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The legacy of online Left-wing politics to me is embodied in an example from art tiktok, where young people bully each other by canceling other kids for using the wrong skin color, or drawing feature like eyes or lips in ways that "stereotype" ethnicity. These are like 10 to 14 year olds doing this.
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It makes me sick to my stomach, to be completely honest. It breaks my fucking heart when I see it (and it's everything now). And all I can think to do is just keep leftist politics on track. Keep it material and historical. Be a role model for younger ppl when you can. They need that more than ever.

reaction streamers in the washroom while a 2 hour video essay plays

Liberals fantasizing about a rightwing backlash to Charlie Kirk can rest assured there won't be one. All of their political rhetoric is just a big game to them, like yours is in many ways. They took a huge L with this, nothing less. The laws of physics will humble people more than the laws of man.

Charlie was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it. And Scrooge's name was good upon 'Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Charlie was as dead as a door-nail.

Anyone who steels their mind to feel empathy for that man is a bigger psychopath, a souless husk of a political-climbing ghoul, and a colder robot who would betray their own human heart of joy that this man is gone. You are not a bigger person. You're small and weak, at the expense of the vulnerable

My response to the decorum scolds rn

He's officially dead

As someone not from the US I'm happy that piece of shit has been silenced. All of your right-wing media people poison the rest of the world, too. We're allowed to celebrate, whether you as an American are afraid to.

charlie kirk got smoked he's not going to survive that

I've got to be honest whatever jobs this is referring to probably shouldn't exist in the first place. This includes the HR in this scenario.

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People are worried about losing jobs, I'm more worried about living in a bullship job simulation because americans are protestant workaholics who worship work and cannot imagine a social order functioning without a tyrannical labour structure to give them a place in the world and something to do.

Please remain 8 tablespoons of water.
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Buldak raman and star trek lfg

I imagine it's the same world for car guys. Being into cars was pretty fun at first and a lot of people enjoyed them from the racing scenes to just keeping your car nice or helping others fix theirs. Now everyone is forced to drive poo-shaped cars and pay a fortune, with no alternative.

You're stuck in a cycle of rentier capitalism where you lease a shitty cross-over SUV. Car guys hate it, they're not happy that cars suck. They hate that everyone is forced to drive one. And normies are miserable that they have to drive. All you can do is rebel against it. Go open source. Mod things
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and encourage alternatives. I like cars from a dumb hobbyist perspective. But I advocate for cycling, pedestrian, and public transit initiatives. I love computers, so I try to support open source software, and be a part of moving away from Big Tech closed ecosystems. Just doing your part is enough.

The weather this year has been so 2006 I can't explain it but real heads know

Installing linux. All the software I use is already linux, should be fine

I think gen alpha will turn out fine because they will be raised by ai. I'm not even joking it will be way better for them than tv or streaming or discord chats. You can see that as cynical but nothing compares to how cynical I am about the current culture. We are already at a societal dead-end.
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"ai encouraged a kid to kill themself" so does everything else in life. "ai can lie and manipulate", I would say significantly less than schools, media, and culture. "ai will impede socializing", we don't let kids walk down the sidewalk anymore. "mega corporations", we live a playpen of their making
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We can't let kids down any more than we've already done. We're already at the floor. Let's give the wikipedia bot you can talk to a chance. They probably won't turn out stupider than we did. And if they do, they were already going to turn out stupider than us anyways, even if AI never existed.

JD Vance standing behind trump absolutely stewing becuase the poison didn't work

Alabama will create a "brain drain" on American coastal cities

Alabama Space Force

My guess for today's announcement is JD Vance is now president and also ground invasion of mexico and ground invasion of greenland and ground invasion of canada and second american civil war and ground invasion of iran
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Four out of six predictions so far, not bad.

if you complain about computers and emails your pc should zap you and when you wake up you hear construction trucks beeping and factory air compressors blasting upholstery staples and someone dropped a pallet of metal tubes and your floor supervisor is yelling at you he knows you dropped the pallet

beautiful evening

The culture war makes a lot more sense when you realize it's people in the Humanities and STEM fighting with each other over who can contribute the least to this world

I actually agree with Nate Silver here. Whether he is defining Blueskyism as the most annoying in-fighting anime avi discord anarchists this side of tumblr, or the limp and impotent Liberals doing "Blue MAGA" Facebook posting. Dems should choose real Leftist politics over any of this and the Left would win more

I find it disgusting how quickly Libs want to give Conservatives an "out" by implying they were mislead. I believe it is because Liberals can't imagine genuinely losing to idiots, so they decided that their opponents must just have the wrong information. Wrong! Conservatives know they are lying and know they are evil
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"We didn't lose to angry, bitter racists who want to see people suffer for their own impish pleasure. It must have been a sophisticated web of international interference!!" No. It was the first thing. You left an empty net open. You're opponents suck and you hand them the win. You lose to imbeciles.

Donald Trump's whereabouts have been confirmed as he is seen exiting an Amphibious Assault Vehicle alongside a marine battalion that has landed in Baja, Mexico. "I wanted to be the first man out," the president said to army reporters. "And, by the grace of God, I will be the last one to leave."

I saw President Donald Trump at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?”

the breeze coming through my kitchen window almost blew the toast off my plate #breezy #fresh

"STEM vs Humanities" I have disdain for the entire Professional-Managerial Class sorry

the Liberals leaving anti-israel and anti-zionism for the conservatives to take is a historic fumble in an unrelenting series of historic fumbles.

When the land invasion of Mexico begins, we could try to quietly annex a few of the great lakes states. I'm sure no one will notice if we're sneaky about it.

do you ever think about how the car you drive, the gas in its tank, the road you drive on, the suburban sprawl, the food you eat, the media you watch, the schools you go to, the work you do is just everyone maintaining a Cargo Cult of the US fears of a land invasion by the USSR that no longer exists
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We have car dependency to maintain military manufacturing, the highways were built by the DOD to move troops and material. Suburban sprawl is a Nuclear Sponge" to reduce casualties in a nuclear exchange. You take an airplane to an island vacation to maintain US air power and sea bases.
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You eat dairy and corn because they preserve easy for feeding armies and rationing civilians. You go to school to be regimented and separated from your family so they're less sad when you're sent away to die, and you can be taught a nationalist ideology. Football, MMA, and hockey are the main sports
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Anyway I know this isn't the most profound observation, I just think it's funny how we all think that the world we live in is some natural, linear process of change. We had horses and carts, and then we had cars. No. We live in a simulation that's goal is to make the American military stronger.

Americans who eat hamburgers wonder if AI can suffer.

Americans who eat hamburgers think AI is using the water.

The only people who are suffering are normal people who have to listen to you have a culture war about computer software.

I wish more of my mutuals were politics-posting, it's genuinely the thing I'm most angry about losing from twitter is the comforting hum of good left-wing politics in my timeline.

Things we're better when you were a loser for using the computer. The internet was awesome when it was only people who wanted to be here. I hate how often I see people complaining about being here. Go away. Go back to your normie stuff. I'm playing video games and posting with my friends. Go away.

when The War starts we will all be looking back at this time and begging we could go back.

reading this in the baby gronk rizz king voice

I'm making an app for genies called Skip The Wishes

Had a dream that Bluesky was trying to cancel Don Hughes for one of his bits, and screenshots of this made it back over to twitter, literally woke myself up laughing

Wish there was somewhere to hang out on the internet. I used to mainly be on reddit and twitter, but both are complete shit for years now and nothing exists to replace them. Discord is fucking cringe, Bluesky is Truth Social for liberals. Everything is designed now to discourage community.

(me, rotating like a rotisserie chicken above a bonfire)

(Ewoks, chanting over tribal music) labubu monchhichi cheburashka

still don't totally know what a labubu is. Just going to assume it's another bout of socially accepted misogyny, like when everyone pretended to get mad at women with Stanley thermoses

This heist will have to go off without a hitch. I forgot the hitch back at the safe house..

Does anyone know what to do if you hit a labubu with your car? I didn't hit one, I just was wondering do I move it to the side of the road with my shoe, or do I have to call a guy to come and scoop it. In this hypothetical.

Nelk boys interview with Bassem Youssef is a great situation. They asked some good questions and Bassem got the basics out to their audience. They put excellent citations up on screen that are relevant and back up Bassem perfectly. The view count is on its way to ratio Netanyahu so give it a watch.

Oh, Susanna
Don't you cancel me
'Cause I vote in New York City
For a Zohran Mamdani

(Detective climbing under crime scene tape and examining a snoring man) Exhausted. From sheer sleepiness..

(Officer, shows evidence bag) Stuffed bear, sir.

(Man, snorting a snore and rolling over)

(Detective clicking pen) Officer you get control of this site. And for God's sake, get him a blanky.

Tucker Carlson, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Nick Fuentes will walk into the White House in 2028 with zero friction from any side of the American political spectrum.

(Liberals watching fascist neo-nazi infighting) The enemy of my enemy is my friend!

labubu tipped over the green bin this morning

checking my phone at 2am to see if trump's been killed and going back to sleep

Huge celebrity appearance. Congrats, townsends

Now that Hulk Hogan is dead, there is little standing between Trump and his enemies.

Canada should adopt the Yen. I hate having to dig around a website to see if something is in USD. It would be good for both our countries. Let's collab, Japan.

Reading the room but shaking my head the whole time so people know I disagree with it

Eating frootloops and watching Hunter Biden explain how to cook crack #StayBlessedNeverStressed
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Hunter Biden says read Howard Zinn, chill in your garage for three years painting, fuck pod johns, fuck Jake Tapper, fuck ICE, invade El Salvador, liberate CECOT. Hunter, welcome to the resistance.
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Him articulating how he sees this moment in America not as 1930s Germany, but instead a mirrored continuation of the Right-wing, violent backlash to reconstruction is literally more valuable education than even some of the Left leaning media that people encounter in podcasts/YouTube.

Goku and superman just beating the shit out of the presindent

I like superman because he is a good guy and he fights for good and to help people

Watched superman in 3D it was great

looking for a job on an old-money estate where I could make residence in a tired but homely shed, as a landscaper and a curiosity.

Rebellions are built from flat-pack

jet skis, for sale, never used.

Eating breakfast to absorb it's powers

Hakeem Jeffries has just finished sampling every flavour of instant coffee k-cups in the DNC headquarters staff room. "It took six weeks of overtime pay, but I can say with confidence that the hazelnut is pretty good," he confirmed in a recent msnbc appearance.

Compute is such a lame computer word. It sounds completely old-fashioned. "I'm going to compute these numbers!" What, on an abacus? Are you going to slide beads around on a wooden abacus? Cyber. That's a computer word. Cyber. Some made up crap from a science fiction author. More Cyber words, please.

My assessment of American politics atm, many prominent figures who used to support Trump when it was easy and fun are going to turn on him now. He has jumped the gun on bringing fascism to America. His play with ICE was a fumble, and is frightening the people. No one wants to be associated with it.
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The feeling of invincibility, which peaked with Elon's nazi salute, immediately collapsed into a bizarre series of policies. He massively fumbled Canada by threatening to annex it, shooting down his own insider candidate who was perfectly positioned to capture the country for MAGA.
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He is inheriting a long-game play with Iran to control China's access to oil, that he has no control over, and will start a deeply unpopular war. A new Right will emerge to challenge him, lead by Tucker Carlson, replacing meme magic bs with an adult-in-the-room fascism that Americans will swoon for.
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This is happening at the same moment that Liberal messeging has fallen completely silent in the wake of Kamala's defeat. Socialist and communist messeging is finally being heard by brunch Liberal normies, as there are no other voices to compete against. Mamdani socialists begin capturing cities.
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An internal struggle between the fading MAGA meme lords and the new Adult Fascism will force Trump to try and start the second Civil War using his ICE brigades. The brunch Liberals will be terrified, and Tucker will look like a sensible man to support. He will serendipitously win 88% of the vote.
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Elon's America Party will launch a surprise attack with a vast droid army he's been manufacturing in secret. Communists in the senate purchase a clone army from Taiwan. Massive battles and political intrigue will span three mediocre films that are pretty fun in retrospect, for what they were.
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Tucker Carlson orders the Taiwanese clone army to turn on the Communists, killing nearly all of them. Their followers go underground and begin forming The Rebellion. Bernie Sanders, approaching 900 years of age, escapes, and lives as a hermit in the forests of Vermont, awaiting a new hero.

I'm sure ICE agents will hand in all $45billion worth of rifles, ammunition, fragmentation grenades, military-grade night vision, high-explosive anti-tank rockets, MRAPS, armoured personnel carriers, light infantry fighting vehicles, helicopters, and anti air installations when the dems finally win.

(Geordi) Captain there could be anything down there. Wrinkled freaks with ceremonial knives. A race of bikini temptresses. A sucking ooze that emits psyonic sadness

(Riker) I like those odds.

(Data) The odds of bikini temptresses is thirty-three point three three three three three three three thre

left an orc pit to fester in my yard, thinking the one's born in the fell muck would be loyal to me. Turns out no. They do not care for the laws of man, nor my garden.

Thanks for the last 5 years, I love you guys ❤️

There is a very cynical view of social and creative spaces that young people have now, which is that your goal is to reach the largest audience of strangers with the lowest common-denominator views/creations. The entire concept of the "subculture" has been forgotten and failed to be passed on.

Sometimes the wind is not in your sails. That's fine. That's what oars are for.

456movie.net and chill

boom bap hip hop is my Christmas music I can't explain it

Best case scenario America ends up like the Netherlands or Japan. Those countries were also satanic empires and now look at them. They are cutie-patooties.

MechaHitler shooting himself in the head with a Soviet T-34

using Apple hardware/software or first-party Microsoft services is as bad for you as smoking. Onedrive has the same effect as asbestos exposure. Everything else computer is fine.

(Showing you around my enclosure) and over here is where I spread my straw

(You) That's really nice dude. Oh hey, where's your bathroom

(Me, spreading my straw) Yeah you can pretty much just go anywhere that's what I've been doing

Car infrastructure is for the American military, animal agriculture is for the American military, the airline industry is for the American military, the education system is for the American military, news networks are for the American military, climate catastrophe is for the American military,

I don't know about you,
but I'm feelin' 22°C
everything will be alright if
it stays around 22°C

eating honey out of a hive with your bare hand is a lot more fun without a bee in your ear

Playing an FPS while the fireworks go off outside for immersive 3D audio

I'm convinced that one of the reasons the American government went hard on single family, suburban homes as the social model post ww2, is that owning property and having children are the two things most likely to turn a person into a frightened conservative who is easier to control.

Turning my cap backwards, everything gets dramatic, pans down pokeball I'm holding in my cool pokemon trainer gloves. Whole background crazy anime effects flying, music swells, "Typhlosion, flame wheel now!" Typhlosion appears fire blasting everywhere, democrats consumed, whole senate getting fucked

It's peanut, and it's jelly time. Peanut, and it's jelly time.

The reason American culture feels stagnant the last decade and a half is that American culture is only created in war. World War 2, Vietnam, The Cold War, the War on Terror. Since the Obama-era foreign policy withdrew war out of the public's eye, there is nothing new creating culture in America.
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When America becomes quagmired in Iran for the next 35 years, we will have a Renaissance of great movies, video games, pop music, and fairground confectioneries to delight our minds and our senses, of which I will be eagerly importing.

Can we not blame every corrupt institution on woman please

(Liberals losing all their voters to a socialist's campaign) Actually, that was us. We did that. You have to share credit with us.

Congratulation to New York for following Canada's lead in electing a Communist.

Comrade Zohran Mamdani must immediately begin rounding up petite bourgeois, landlords, anarchists, and other counter-revolutionaries, and supply arms and material to the Liberation Forces dug into the forests of Vermont and Minnesota.

If Mamdani wins I will be slightly less sad that they ruined my skateboarding video game

Future generations will look back at us and ask "what did you do during the 12 day war?"

For myself and all my friends, we will be able to respond, without shame, "we called Trump a chicken taco."

I hope you will be able to say the same.

Going outside and becoming steamed supple like a broccoli

Zohran Mamdani has announced the Switch 2 Lite, and has guarenteed a $200 launch price for the console if elected.

Going to keep the celebration of our brand new Canadian Dental Care Plan cards on the down low. The Americans are going through enough as it is.

tfw you have to shop for plate carriers at Babies R Us

They're bout to buckle him into his booster seat

Trump's attack on Iran was a masterfully crafted distraction to prevent me from remembering to watch X Games Osaka

#StayBlessedNeverStressed

A thing would be cool to happen

It's a good thing the American, Iranian, and Israeli regimes aren't deeply unpopular, and have no reason to leverage a major escalation to maintain their grip on power.

Here are the early voting hours if you're in NY, please vote for Zohran Mamdani, every vote will make a difference in this one.

The arms race to draw people in via appealing to their curiosity has hit a point where when I look at the YouTube sidebar, the titles/thumbnails are completely inscrutable. "There was no way a gyroscope could break the Big Banana Speedrun" with the thumbnail saying "until now". Congrats/sorry that happened

I'll take dull, thanks.

I'm really glad that China, India, and Japan will win the Space Race. Star Trek future secured.

The reaction to the clip of Tucker Carlson running circles around Ted Cruz is interesting. I'm a little surprised at people caught off guard by it. Tucker has been doing this often, he did the same thing to Ben Shapiro regarding self-driving trucks, and to Piers Morgan about bombing civilians.
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I honestly would not be surprised if Tucker Carlson became the next president (whether he cares to, idk). He operates in the very Hitlerian way of absorbing traditionally left-wing arguments, disorienting working-class voters, while simultaneously out manoeuvring the Right-wing even on its extremes.
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The Democrats do not have a candidate at the moment who would look better on a debate stage with him, and are showing no internal initiative for anything at the moment. If Bernie was in his prime it would be a fight. Horrifying prospect. Hopefully I'm wrong/missing something.
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Maybe Zohran Mamdani can win the presidency in the most insane break away sprint of a socialist since the Russian Revolution. Let me dream.

(Watching the Airforce napalm a tranquil, scenic treeline they though I was in, from a distant, equally scenic treeline) My trees..

Pokemon Pinball - Ruby & Sapphire to the polls

Imagine if China just simply snuck a few nuclear warheads into Iran and solved this entire crisis. "Policemen Of The World" title officially claimed.

The Doomsday clock has been set to 2:57am past midnight
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Everyone in the world has lost their Duolingo streak.

(Donald Trump petting the skull of Henry Kissinger like it's a cat) Neting.. yahoo. He's- much, angry, very much. I tried to make a deal and he won't do it! He won't do it! And I said, Bee BEE.. That's what they call him, Bee BEE. But he's not a bee.. not a bee. He's not even a WAHHSP. So not a bee

If kamala was president, she'd already have boots on the ground invading israel, but yall voted for the cheeto 🤦‍♂️

If you use wokescold language and do concern troll shit I'm assuming you are an apolitical normie or a right-wing agitator. Sorry, that language has been thoroughly compromised. Change radio frequencies immediately.

Super Saiyan 2 Gohan vs israel - Limp Bizkit Break Stuff AMV

The Liberals keep making fun of the sqeeky sound of the M4 Sherman tank, shown in all it's glory during the ww2 section of trump's parade. Probably because they are huge fans of the inferior German Panzer.

I'm absolutely convinced they are recruiting out of existing far-right organizations and militia groups to expand their ICE units. There is no way there were this many spare law enforcement personal just sitting around, and the irregularity of kit is in line with civilian militia/2A groups

A man played Pokemon Pinball for three hours straight. This is what happened to his spirit:
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No one told me pinball was a delight to the mind and the senses

(rich friend) my mom's taking us to laser tag for my birthday and also im getti g an icecream cake. What are you doing for yours?

(My broke af birthday sponsored by UFC and Coinbase) I'm actually having a parade and everyone is going to be there

Yeah, he should be sending them to die in a foreign quagmire instead of playing brass instruments in tacky plumage

It's completely unacceptable to say the frick word. You are a grown woman. You are a grown adult. You are a leader in your community. How dare you encourage Democratic leadership to disgrace themselves.

Me tapping on the Golden Dome and frightening an American on the other side

LA riots.. more like LA buy-its. The city is home to world-renowned retail locations, each one more tantalizing to the American shopper than the last.

I'm beginning to think that mr Trump could be an agent of the Negaverse

You need to be careful about the optics of your protesting. The slightest breeze would push the average Liberal to side with Trump against you.

Everyone worried that trump will send ICE agents to disappear people in LA need to calm down. Trump would NEVER do such a thing, on acoubt of him being a MASSIVE coward 🤭😂 #TACO #TrumpAlwaysChickensOut

(Me, naively assuming that the dark fire can avail the Flame of Udûn)

(Gandalf, effortlessly demonstrating that the dark fire will not avail the Flame of Udûn)

(Me) See, I would have assumed the dark fire would avail the Flame of Udûn. But no! The dark fire cannot do so much as shit at the moment!

(Guy who forgot about his tea voice) it's my new idea I'm calling the Twenty Minute Steeped Tea. Maybe it'll catch on.

Think how many oral traditions have been lost forever to a single librarian's shush

Oh, I hear there is to be a parade! How splendid! (fishing through dresser drawers) I must put on my dazzling brass buttons for such an occasion! A parade! (Twirling with my colourful jacket and singing) And the First Lady will be radiant as ever! Mr Trump and his handsome generals! How extravagant!

(Treadstone agent) Your dinner is getting cold, Jason. (Signalling other agents to start geolocating the call) Why don't you.. pause your video game. Join us at the table..

(Jason Bourne, on burner phone) It's an online game. You can't pause it.

(Agent, throwing headset onto desk in a rage)

(You) Did this happen in the Before Times, or before the Before Times?

(Me, counting on my fingers) No this was before the Before Times

(Yoda, swimnging lightsaber around in us congress) bzzchoo! KZZZCH! wazzshuoom- BRAKZZZshh! Whuurm- SHHWAch!! vrRROOnnnmmm no please im a democrAAHHCKOWWsh!!!! NEEEWOOOM-BRKKKSSshH!!! VwwwMMmm-SSHHKKKsshooo!!!

Yoda will save us.

One of my favourite features of old twitter was when they put a list of mutuals names under a post to show, at a glance, who liked the post. It was basically the same layout as the mutuals list on a person's profile, but for Likes under a post. Made it easy to see cliques, friend groups, trends, etc
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I think one of the main reasons my account grew early on was because other people would see, underneath my posts, that boss_on_here, oldfriend, jurdle, cranny, etc. had liked my post. It made liking posts an endorsement. A new person would show up and could organically be merged into existing groups

I know it's a stupid point, and I don't actually care that much anyway, but make sure that you undermine the thing you are about to say with dismissive, qualifying language, by emphasizing how it's a stupid point, and you don't actually care that much anyway.

I just apprehended a culprit, if anyone needs to pin a crime on him

Remembrance Day is for the 101st Airborne Division and re-animated Genoese crossbowmen

Bro are you seriously making just-add-water pancakes? You know those are a recession indicator

Remember to let the projected insecurities of other people influence your life decisions and consumer spending today

(watching a mighty host route my men-at-arms from the field) Who's mighty host is that

Try to bring attention to every bad/stupid thing you see happening anywhere. Try to find the most obscure and low impact thing that effects the least amount of people. A bake sale had a slightly offensive ad. AI gave you an invalid pet food coupon. Really sell it like it's the end of the world.

I've just given a green light to my lead action planners. They will begin to mobilize their lead organizers shortly.

Trump would never deploy nuclear weapons against a foreign adversary, on account of his well reputed tendency to "Chicken Out" 🤭😁 #bluewave #democrats #impeach47

In disbelief of that Trump Always Chickens Out meme liberals are giddy about. Yeah, his biggest flaw is that he doesn't follow through on his shit policies. Let's really lay into him about that part, specifically.

I saw the Joe Rogan of the Left at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback,

The right-wing position here is better because it directs perceived personal failure onto external excuses. Leftist political messaging is at its best when scapegoating social, economic, and political forces outside of one's control. Young people do not want tough-love, they want something to blame.

When the Left fails to capture power, and turns inward into personal purity testing, and that purity testing devolves into how "normal" and politically apathetic one is, the Right will begin social, political, and economic scapegoating, directing the anger of young people at Leftists and minorities.

It's so insane that we're forced by tech bros to sit around consuming souless algorithm slop these days..

What? What's that? Engage directly with the people and communities I care about? Become a valued member of subcultures through my positive, quality contributions? My tummy hurts I have anxiety

(Animals, shamelessly eating any old stuff they find on the ground) Ouaghhh, I'm full of bio-magnified industrial heavy metals.. ooohhh, ughhh

listening to Teenage Dirtbag and organizing my ps1 roms

One high score, then I'm out of the arcade game for good.

The volcano dungeon is not so bad, the first room is a perfect ambient temperature for heating mozzarella sticks

If I was a security guard I would just wave everybody through. Some of them are probably doing espionage, and I would just be bothering them

They should move Disney Land to Canada so people can go to it again

The beatles should be treated like Shakespeare. You are forced to listen to them briefly in the 8th grade where you learn to resent them.

(Pushing my marshmallows around on my plate)

(The hobo I met in the Big Rock Candy Mountains) What's the matter, dude, you've hardly touched your marshmallows..

I could never be with someone who compromises our operational security

et nous n'avons jamais vu elle plus jamais

Real Gs move in the silence that serves as the foundation of creativity

Mr. Beast voice

In the Big Rock Coffee Mountains,
It's never too hot to sip,
And the cappuccino fountains
flow a endless espresso drip,

I am constantly floored watching liberals capitulate for nothing, like they think it's a virtue to be taken advantage of. They show up at the table bargained down to the lowest and then apologize for asking for too much. Like no one has sympathy for it, it's fucking embarrassing and deeply shameful.

probably will stop posting

(spoken softly, as words of encouragement) Cell Saga Gohan

Mr Beast is forcing me to listen to old CushVlog episodes and soundcloud PluggnB beats while playing on a WoW private server and I'm only allowed to eat coffee and toast and sparkling lime water and he'll let me go for a walk with my friends in the evenings and if I survive he'll give me $200 USD

Going on twitter to like a mutual's Death to Israel post and a video of a marmot eating a snack then peacing back outta there

The moon should be normal again soon, guys. I've just finished ritually beheading several of my temple priests. I apologized for the brief celestial weirdness.

Bernie and Walz should announce a third party while Schumer and the dems look like fucking losers. Say that anyone who stays with the Dems is a traitor to democracy. Make it drama. Get every progressive media outlet to endorse them at the same time. Attack the Dems, don't attack trump or his voters.
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Emphasize that they have one goal: to take on the Democratic party as their single enemy. Go on the news and say that "We respect republican voters distrust of the democrats. Republican voters were right to hate Democrats. We hate the Democratic party, too. Let's fight the elitist bastards together"

Walz as president with Bernie as vice president would probably get 85% of popular vote, maybe as much as 95% when the army and civilian militias inevitably rally to their cause.

Trump crashing the US economy is awesome but he will probably stop doing it out of cowardice and pressure from liberals.

I don't know who "Kriss Vector" is but he kills me in every video game

Absolute carnage on Wall Street. It's so cathartic to finally see the wealthy getting their comeuppance.

*Brandishes spork*

saw a patch of grass today. Not to brag..

For International Women's Day I have made all department store cosmetics free. Please, help yourselves to as much as you can carry.

Springtime will heal everything
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(Trump) The democrats want to give you something they call.. free health care.

(Democrats, holding up "False" signs)

I've criticized the Democratic Party in the past, but I must extend my appreciation for their recent call to action regarding Trump's devastating tariffs: to deposit genuine United States currency into your Canadian friends paypal accounts. I think it was AOC who suggested Steam gift cards as well.

(Trump) We're taking the raw earth. You know, they have a lot of raw earth, and America, not so.. much. So we're making a deal. Ukraine will give us raw earth.

(Zelenskyy smiling knowing that raw earth is not a real thing) Misser pregnant.. you drive ahh, how it is say, burgan. But we are say thank
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(Trump watching a convoy of dump trucks depositing clay and mixed gravel in a heap on the white house lawn) We now have the most raw earth. They don't have this much of raw earth in China, it's very raw, and they make computers out of this stuff, would you believe. Frankly, I don't know. But they do

I will be posting 25% fewer tweets until the tariffs are lifted. I'm sorry, but I simply cannot justify the costs.

You either die a globe guy or you live long enough to collect armillary spheres

(Me) If you vote for us, you will get a free acre of land and two bedroom bungalow.

(Dem) But, the numbers don't-

(Me, slicing the head of Dem with my Samurai sword so clean their head doesn't fall from their shoulders)

(Me) 100% tax rate above $100,000,000. Free bicycle. Free Nintendo Switch 2.

Create a third party that refuses any large corporate/private donations and attacks the Democratic Party ceaselessly, relentlessly, and ruthlessly. Attack the Democratic Party more aggressively than Fox. Run on Sanders era material promises. Promise ponies. Say under $50,000 income pay $0 tax. Just lie.

I would have the courage to lie. Americans want to hear lies. They want a bedtime story that makes waking up the next day sound exciting. That's why they love trump. Every trump voter knows everything he says is a lie but it's a lie for them. No one wants to hear a Dem tell them there's no future.

Goku could destroy the white house pretty easily with one blast, leaving no survivors. He wouldn't even have to activate his Kaio-ken.

Fascists in Azov Brigade should invade America to end the Trump regime, like when North Vietnam had to stop the Khmer Rouge.

cool so keep doing what I've been doing

(Data, carrying an unconscious Picard into Sickbay) It appears that the captain has burned his fingies, after the replicator produced a cup of Earl Grey that was too hot.

(medical officer) His fingies?

(Data) Those were the captain's words.

(medical officer, clicking on tricorder) Bring him here.

Elon's twenty-third child has just been born in an industrial animal agriculture facility. If we all donate our table trimmings the creature should be plump for slaughter toward September or early October.

Sprinkling a carton of french fries into your sunroof like a fish tank

far-right dog whistles covering Flight of the Bumblebees

I've decided on changing the current scapegoats. The entities we can now blame for every single problem in the world are cows and cars.

Doing a Cobra maneuver in a passenger airliner is a lot more fun when there isn't a bitch in your ear

Last night I had my first dream involving a major nuclear exchange, so this morning I'm learning game development in Godot. It's important to reevaluate what's really important after receiving a cosmic sign.

Long covid got me making new old memories

Brigands, bandits, and thieves, the lot of you.

We will be quietly annexing Michigan and Vermont during the diversion of tonight's hockey game.
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These fights are the signal. To my American friends, please welcome our armour columns with waves and cheers as they advance through your towns.
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Wisconsin and Minnesota, the hour of your liberation is upon you. Please greet our armour and infantry with cheers and enthusiasm as they advance through your communities.

Friendly reminder that your left flank has been overrun by armour and infantry and are routing from the field

The marshmallow test is a good test of character because if you would wait for a second marshmallow you will not enter heaven

If you don't brush the snow off the top of your pick up truck, I'm going to assume you're 5' 2"

Does anyone need any snow

Bernie and Walz just announced a coup and are requesting you and your platoon at the assembly area.

Everyone gets mad at Idiocracy for being pro-eugenics but what I'm really mad at is the whole premise the movie hinges on: that replacing the water with sports drinks makes them dumb. Wrong. It proves they are genius

The problem is all of our 11:11am/pm wishes for that man's imminent demise is that there are too many of them, and our wishes are getting jammed in the door. Spread them out. Someone wish for unlocked item placement in the next Animal Crossing.

turning a big dial that says "Gravity" on it and constantly looking back at Mitch McConnell and airplanes for approval like a contestant on the price is right

Me trying to make the balsa wood model planes click together without following the instructions

I've had Sum 41 Fat Lip stuck in my head today ever since Mitch McConnell fell

(American, watching Shamu slowly go insane inside a Seaworld tank) Thank goodness I have freedom and am not going insane

I don't understand america's obsession with freedom. If you confined me to a capybara enclosure and changed my hay once in a while I would thrive.

Number 1 fact about heaven: my cat is in heaven

There's a dang cheeto in my snack mix

We all have that one mutual who, by their own account, must have lived their life among some of the wickedest men that God ever allowed upon the sea; and the language in which they tell these stories shock our plain country people as much as the crimes that they describe.

(Giving my sword a few test swings at the smithy)

(Sword smith) Notice how wieldy it is now.

(Me) Yeah it was pretty unwieldy before

Hey guys, morale has been really low recently and I want to do something to change that. (Effortlessly begins to juggle two hacky-sacks)

The replies on Bluesky have been steadily improving thanks to classic-style bullying

Every time I see libs doing the "we will never forget Jan 6. Keep posting about jan 6. Remind them that they did Jan 6." I'm like why are you making storming the captal sound bad? Storming a country's capital is kind of a swag move in many situations? Are you saying you would never do such a thing?

(guy who has been living under a rock voice) Who the hell moves to Canada in February..

I remember asking the lady at the post office if I could send my little comic books to the states as "oversized letter mail" and she looked at me like I was trying to involve her in a crime. She'd probably throw me out of the building onto my ass if I asked that question now.

Capitalism is when consumer goods get relentlessly more expensive from inefficiencies in production and distribution, and a near collapse of political legitimacy stemming from an undemocratic, centralized authority imposing brash fiscal and economic policies, sharply driving down standards of living

One thing I'm hoping they change for the Switch 2 is make it so you don't have to yell "NINTENDO SWITCH, ACTIVATE!!!!!!" While waving your joycons in the air after plugging the console into the dock.

It's peanut, peanut butter time. Peanut, peanut butter time.

(Millennial) *moonwalks into room* epic bacon style
(GenX chasing millenial, screaming like a tea kettle in rage) I'LL SAY THE F-WORD!!
(GenZ, dressed like an Arthur character) No but why is it the way this is giving slutmaxxing
(GenAlpha floating in Mind Tube) Pokemon where to play. Coolest pokemon

Keep bullying these people. Remind them that their support for Kamala, Biden, Warren, Hillary, etc. put Trump into the presidency twice. Remind them how tirelessly they worked to destroy the left-wing out of little more than jealously, that socialism is more popular than cloying Liberal capitulation

(Flight of the Concords voice) it's pizza, it's pizza time

In a historic act of bipartisanship, Trump has appointed Joe Biden as head of Guantanamo Concentration Camp.

"He said, "Donny! They won't let me kill civilians, Donny!" I said "Joe, don't they call you Genocide Joe?" He said yes, but they won't let him do it anymore, very unfair to Genocide Joe.."

Pirates should give landlubbers a chance to find their sea legs.

(Discreetly placing a small tin of Woke in your hands as you prepare to leave) Here. Something for the road..

A fun alternate-history thought experiment is wondering about how big of a hole a 12 pound howitzer cannon ball would leave in the chest of an American republican president or congressman. My guess is at least the diameter of a typical pie tin, and no smaller.

Talk more about the things you enjoy and endorse, and talk less about the things you dislike or disapprove of.
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There's a trap that people can fall into where they build a personality around disapproving of things. It makes you look like you're smart. Like you are above everything. And it shields you from accidentally endorsing "the wrong thing". It also shields one from having a personality or friends or fun

Playing video games is cozy especially the part where your laptop becomes a space heater

I am going to stop using this website

Life pro-tip for people sick of their dang computer devices: consider HVAC, concrete, or roofing.
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I like computers I just think it's sad that a lot of people who really shouldn't be on a computer feel like they have to be on a computer and then computers turn into poo because people who can't use computers need to use computers and it turns computers to baby ipads and makes computers poo to use.

I cannot convey in words how much contempt I have for Hilary/Warren/Biden/Kamala supporters who worked in opposition to Bernie. You had enough time and energy to care about politics, and deliberately chose to leave an empty net for a far-right sweep. This world is your creation and yours alone.
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If you chose to campaign for any democrat other than Bernie in 2016 or 2020 you should spend every night jolting awake in a cold sweat of embarrassment and horror until your decaying mental health drives you to the inevitable.

(Stammering and gulping nervously) th- the t-trunk? You want me to open the.. trunk? Ha- um. What about the hood, I could open the-

(Border agent) Pop the trunk for me.

(Me in driver seat, pulling the trunk lever and hearing the rainstick cascade of whole coffee beans pouring onto the asphalt)

(Watching in horror as my ray gun blasts are effortlessly deflected off your chrome exterior) It's no use, they're chrome

My hobbits were destroyed in combat..

A heads-up for my American friends: it's perfectly constantutionally legal to hold a violent, protracted stand-off against ICE while barricaded in your home. This is only from my limited understanding of your constantution based on things like movies and my profound and cosmically-derived morality.

Bees will make us honey if we give them a second

Nah man, this is for you.

(UPS guy opens the package, revealing the "#1 UPS guy" mug I bought him)

Naming it the Gulf of America is a wise move. The water spirits will be less inclined to shoot hurricanes at their own country.
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I spoke with the gulf spirits, it's harrible, they said, "Mr..... President", and I am the president, I told them, I said 🫲🫱 "you're great spirts, call me Donny". They said "Donny, we're American water spirits. We've seen it. The Mexican water spirits sent the hurricane." And they're, not so nice..,

(Person spreading evil on earth) I'm just a dumb-dumb. A big dumb-dumb. I'm so dumb tho fr. I'm like if a dumb guy was chillin'. I'm a smol dumb-dumb. I'm dummy in my tummy-tum.

(Professor of Email at Make-Work University) This person suffers from Dumb-Dumb, it would be ablest of us to stop them.

I'm donating my bridge to a charity for those born yesterday.

*Watching you grab the cooling pie on my windowsill, but the pie is really hot and you let out a yell so loud that the window slides down and slams your face into the pie, and shaking my head in disbelief while wiping my hands on my apron* Hell is empty and all its devils are here..

(Introducing you to my friends and family) ..and they have achieved what I can only describe as mastery of the matchlock arquebus.

As someone who wasn't alive during the first Trump presidency, I feel I owe it to resistance twitter to listen, to understand, to use the next four years as an education, and to buckle my lib-ass up for this wild ride.

If even half the things people say about the first Trump presidency are true, we're in for a pri-tty interest four years..

For any Americans who will lose their income from the TikTok ban, consider forming a smash-and-grab shoplifting gang.

I make sure to post at 1:40am EST so that only two Australian mutuals see it

Holding up TikTok over Niagara Falls and watching Americans take turns looking at it through their coin-fed observation binoculars

(Limp Bizkit voice)

Rockers,
TikTok-ers,
and everybody all around the world

Some folks are born, born to wave flag. Oo they're red and they're blue

If tiktok is banned in America it will immediately become the most normal social media site

2025-2030: Zone 29, Status: Quelled
2030-2050: Spore Kingdom
2050-2054: Impact Site East
2055-2150: The Siberian Sand Holes

January 4th was not on my 2025 bingo card

a new year's resolution to consider could be doing push-ups every day, to prepare yourself for the War

Happy New Year everyone !!🥳🎉